As I live in Arizona and the Arizona Cardinals made it to the playoff three weeks ago, I decided to watch some of the game. I caught the first quarter and the last ten minutes of the 4th quarter. I had seen all that needed to be seen and I didn’t inconvenience myself. My mother threw a Superbowl party since the Cardinals did make it to the Superbowl. I sat through the first half and the last five minutes of the 4th quarter. I don’t follow professional or collegiate sports. I find them to be slow moving events that only inconvenience me by causing the shows I watch to be canceled or by occupying my friends for a few hours. Is it impossible for me to watch baseball, basketball or football? No. I can get into a game if I decide or am forced to watch it – especially if I’m at the game. I just watch sports the way people go to church – there are one or two necessary services in the year. And I know I’m not the only one. So during Superbowl 43, I thought to myself, how could this sport be made more interesting and draw me in as a regular fan? I came up with two rules that would get guys like me to have more than a default team and to watch every game.
Rule #1: Each team is allowed two knifings – each knifing consists of one stab or slash, multiple stabs/slashes in one knifing results in a yardage penalty, loss of remaining knifing or return knifing – in the event a knifing is fatal, the knifing team forfeits and all proceeds from the game are split between the dead player’s family and charity of choice. Is there an offensive lineman who keeps the defense from sacking the quarterback? Does the wide receiver keep gaining first downs? Is the defensive line so effective that the quarter back can’t successfully pass the ball? The stabbing rule would force teams to use all their players so effectively that opposing teams would have to really think about who to stab; and having only two stabbings would add to that. If I knew that there was a chance my crappy team could win thanks to two well played knifings, I’d be a season ticket holder. And just knowing that men with such lucrative jobs and talent could have it all taken away with the cut of the Achilles’ tendon is appealing to me.
Rule #2: Behind Enemy Lines. Often times in games you’ll see the wide receiver or other player running the ball downfield when he steps into or is pushed/tackled into the opposing team’s bench. The “Behind Enemy Lines” rule would allow the team along the bench to kick, punch or step on the player who enters their sideline – this rule cannot be combined with the knifing rule. As long as the intruding player is on the ground, wearing a helmet, not bleeding, completely off the playing field or until the referee arrives, the rule is holds. Only those players on the bench – and not currently playing the game – can participate in this rule. This rule would cause both teams to play smarter and faster. The defense would want to push those wind-like wide receives or running backs into their bench line. Likewise, the offense would want to play the middle or on their sidelines. So the defense would play heavy on the opposing sideline and middle causing the offense to play down the defense’s sideline, but that’s what the now speedy defense wants.
No longer would football players be considered dumb jocks that catch pig hide or run head-first into people for a living. Those men would become tacticians; tacticians very aware of how fragile they are. These rules would add an element to the game that would put the viewer more on edge and bring more fans in. If and when I watch other sports I’ll carry this topic into those events and bring my theories to you.
Posted by Simon
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