CSI and its spin offs reveal a deterioration of the American Mind

CSI and its spin offs reveal a deterioration of the American Mind.

These shows contain a white, mid 40's douche bag in $5,000 suits (named Jim Brass in CSI, Mac Taylor in CSI: NY, and Horatio Cane in CSI: Miami) bossing around a hot sidekick, a talented minority (Black if in NY, Hispanic in Miami) forensics man, a white nerd just out of Harvard, and the nerd girl who does the same job as the Harvard man, only worse.

 The common, completely ridiculous theme among these CSI shows is the apparent Cart Blanche the cities that each unit resides in has given them. I have never seen a police force so well funded ever. The suits, combined with the car and the $900 designer sunglasses that Horatio wears means that he either gets paid around $350,000 a year, or he had money previously, which begs the question of why in the hell is he a cop in Miami. Also, the lines and the acting are just as ridiculous, right up to Horatio, or as an Arab friend of mine calls him "Douche McGoush", standing there staring at his witness who is obviously lying, pulling the back of his pants up, taking his $900,000 Douche glasses off and saying "Why don't you tell me what's really going on here?" Of course this works every time, whether its on the Iranian Diplomat who could have only gotten there by funding the Iranian state sponsored terrorism at some point in his life, or on the random hooker who just happened to see something while on her back providing her much needed service. No need for interrogation techniques or studies in human psychology to understand the motives of people and try to pry them, or to bully the hooker with a threat of busting her if she doesn't speak up, just a well-played "Why don't you tell me what's really going on here?"

You wanna know what is scary? These shows get ratings, or they wouldn't get made. Apparently staff meetings at CBS must go like this:

Man 1 - "CSI is a huge hit! We need to capitalize on this. Any ideas? Action figures, maybe? Graphic Novel?"

 

Man 2 - "What if... we made a new show... and called it CSI... wait for it... Miami."

Woman 1 - "I love it. Let's get our writers on it immediately. And call casting. I think Kit Kat from the hit movie 'Hudson Hawk' is available."

::2 years later::

Man 1 - "CSI: Miami is a huge hit! We need to capitalize on this. Any ideas? Action figures, maybe? Graphic Novel?"

Man 2 - " I've got it! What if... we made a new show about a specialized team of trendy, hip young adults led by a middle-aged man whose seen it all and is unknowingly looking for redemption for a troubled past?"

Man 1 - "Not bad... I think I know where you are going. But.... we need a name."

Man 2 "How about CSI..... wait for it... New York."

Woman 1 - "I love it. Let's get our writers on it. And call casting. The sick guy from Apollo 13 hasn't been relevant in years. He'll be available."

What do the popularity of these shows reveal? Obviously, it reveals this: The large group of Americans who watch these shows have a deeply ingrained subconscious desire to be murdered in a brutal and deceiving way by the smartest and cruelest of evil men, and then have their murder investigated by an Investigation Team from a random department on a state or federal level, made up of mixed race and gender who are led by a white, middle aged, amazingly arrogant man who is mildly attractive to soccer moms,  and has a sidekick who usually is an extremely attractive female who is smart and in spots of "brilliance" can challenge his alpha dog status which he then re-affirms by actually using the attractive females accomplishments to further his own above and beyond hers, who despite all of the science at his disposal ultimately saves the day by going on a hunch and figuring it all out at the last second before the shit hits the fan.

"Tis not a man worth knowing with the name Horatio. Not past, present, or future."

~Lord Byron 

Posted by Sam